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Year of The Dragon Begins With Earthquake But Godzilla Remains Dormant

Byjakeadelstein

Jan 2, 2012

On January 1st, at 2:28 pm (Japan time), the first major earthquake of the year greeted the Japanese people.  It aroused a minor panic since 2012 is the Year of The Dragon, a time when Godzilla, the destroyer and sometimes protector of Japan, often awakes from his slumbers to wreak havoc on the nation.

During the last Year Of The Dragon (2000), Godzilla caused almost as much damage to Japan as TEPCO. Happily, recent earthquakes did not awaken him.

A solid earthquake with a magnitude of 7.0 shook up a wide area in eastern and northeastern Japan on  Sunday, the Japan Meteorological Agency said. There was no Godzilla Warning issued and no Nuclear Safety Inspection Agency staff hurt themselves fleeing from the nuclear reactors where they were stationed.

The Government of Japan has assured the populace that Godzilla did not waken from his slumber to herald in the Year Of The Dragon. Prime Minister Noda assured the public that Godzilla was not in fact a dragon, while admitting that because Godzilla is a fire-breathing, gigantic, destructive reptile–“he does bare similarities to a dragon but Godzilla cannot fly. Thus he’s not a dragon. We have everything under control this time.” The Godzilla & Mothra Management Agency (GMMA) also said that they had checked the ear plugs inserted in Godzilla’s head and were certain that the ruckus had not caused any serious changes in his REM measurements. “He’s sound asleep,” sources said.

The agency noted that quake measured an intensity of 4 on the Japanese scale of 7 in many locations in downtown Tokyo, Miyagi, Fukushima, Ibaraki, Tochigi, Gunma, Chiba, Saitama and Kanagawa prefectures–but only 1.2 in the underwater dungeon in which Godzilla has been imprisoned since the previous Year Of the Dragon.

8 thoughts on “Year of The Dragon Begins With Earthquake But Godzilla Remains Dormant”
  1. Well it’s not really dragon year yet, so makes sense that Godzilla is still asleep. With any luck he’ll wake up long enough to make a short visit to Tepco headquarters sometime during the year though.

    Btw, I think this year there’s supposed to come out new American made Godzilla film. I suppose it at least can’t be any worse than the previous one.

  2. This earthquake was deep enough and strong enough to be felt by the most populated areas of Japan. It may not have caused damage, but a record number of Japanese felt a scary and inauspicious start to the new year. New Year’s Day in Japan is supposed to be a day when nothing bad happens – it’s a day full of positive thinking and happy, care-free interactions. Not a good start for 2012, I’d say.

    P.S. The British version of Godzilla was called “Gorgo”. There was even Gorgo candy for sale at the 7-11 when I was a kid. I hope Godzilla, Mothra and Gorgo team up and stomp the h-e-double hockey sticks out of Tepco’s HQ. Happy new year!

    1. Happy New Year to you! Gorgo, Godzilla and Mothra should band together and pulverize TEPCO but somehow I don’t think it will happen. Monsters don’t understand environmental destruction issues as well as we’d like.

  3. Yep, that awesome picture above is Gorgo. Godzilla limited himself to domestic destruction, as far as I can recall.

    1. I had no idea! I thought it was odd to see Godzilla smashing English looking buildings! Should I issue a correction? Will Godzilla or Gorgo sue me or are they sentient enough to hire lawyers?

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